Come choose what matters most in this moment

A few days ago, my senior mom had an accident. My mom has never been hospitalized, zero maintenance medicines, goes to the gym regularly... but she slipped on a wet floor and broke her femur. 

I was heartbroken for her pain and suffering. All her gains, our gains, suddenly flushed down the toilet. Suddenly she needs me more than I need her. 

She is now recovering, thank God! And we are still hoping for the best in her recovery journey. (Please pray with us for no complications post-surgery.) 

Of course, I acted like the superwoman I needed to be for her and our family. I couldn't spin out into despair. I neeeded to be responsible, on top of things, caring and aware of her needs, and be her advocate to the medical team. I needed to think about the rest of the household who relied on her too - house fixes, food on the table, my kids, school send off and dropoff plus homework, the people caring for my kids. 

I also thought about my work deliverables. The projects that have not yet started. The possible medical bills. Do we have enough resources for her treatment and recovery? Can I take care of her at home? How will we make sure she gets the best treatment? 

So many thoughts as I filled our water tumbler in the nourishment room of the hospital, trying not to cry. Suddenly a thought from Holding Both, my ebook came up:

"Come choose what matters most in this moment."

This is what Jesus told Martha when she got frustrated hosting and keeping it all together while Mary sat beside Jesus' feet and listened to her stories. 

I took a deep breath and smiled. I should practice what I preach. What matters most in this moment is not perfection at home or in the hospital. At this moment in time, I didn't need to punish myself for the accident that happened, or not being home with kids to be with my mom, or my work and my future work, pleasing the people at home, homework, sales or whatever my mind was spinning out on. What matters most right now is that I was there for my mom. I had siblings who I can call on for help.  A husband reassuring me that everything will be alright. I had people praying for us. We had good doctors. We are in a good hospital. And that was a blessing. 

I still worry a lot about my mom's outcomes. But there is already progress and God's grace in every step of the way. I just need to tune in to what matters most in this moment and the rest is up to Him. 

Mom needs the Martha in me. But I also owe it to her and to myself to be Mary even for just a little while. To honor presence between us and the blessings in between these challenging times.

Yakap sayo kung nag-aalaga ka rin ng aging parents. Kaya natin ito. Di madali, pero it matters. 

Love,

Chesca

PS. Writing this was therapeutic. Thank you for reading.