If we can go beyond the physical changes in our mombods and learn more about our amazing bodies, we can learn how to better celebrate our mombods. Here are five awesome reasons why your mombod rocks.
]]>For my first pregnancy, I remember being really insecure. More than the health considerations, the main reason for being conscious was I didn’t want to look big and fat (even if it was inevitable!). For my second pregnancy, I admit to being more relaxed about my diet but more intentional in honoring my body and appreciating it just as it is. I gave birth unmedicated and I personally witnessed how amazing our bodies are as women and mothers.
If we can go beyond the physical changes in our mombods and learn more about our amazing bodies, we can learn how to better celebrate our mombods. Here are five awesome reasons why your mombod rocks:
1. Your mombod can carry and nourish another human being.
Need I say more? If you haven’t found the time to appreciate your uterus and the rest of your bod, now is the time. Your uterus is an amazing organ. It is the only organ that can stretch to the size of a watermelon to accommodate a baby. It is also the only organ that can create another organ that will nurture and feed a baby inside you – the placenta. In nine months, a mom’s body changes to provide what the baby needs – and that is a miracle in and of itself.
And during childbirth? Your mombod knows how to bring the baby out with each wave of labor pain dilating, effacing and lastly pushing the baby out.
2. Your mombod literally produces your baby’s perfect food.
Breastmilk provides all the nutrients and antibodies a newborn baby needs. When your baby’s saliva meets the mother’s breasts, breastmilk composition will also change to adapt to the baby’s changing needs. This way, a mom’s milk is always perfectly designed to meet a baby’s nutritional needs. How awesome and convenient is that?
3. Your mombod can heal and recover from pregnancy and childbirth.
Pregnancy is a marathon and childbirth is the excruciating last mile. And while athletes have recovery time, mothers have to heal and recover while taking care of a newborn enduring sleepless nights and back pains from breastfeeding. While the fourth trimester life happens, the mom’s body is also busy repairing any tears or injuries, and the uterus is also working hard to shrink back to its pre-pregnancy size.
4. Your mombod can soothe your baby.
Mombods are made of magic. Skin to skin contact with your baby helps improve oxygen saturation, regulates infant’s body temperature and stabilizes heart and respiratory rates. They even say that kissing your baby on the head or face is beneficial as the physical contact sends a signal to the mom’s body of the pathogens on the baby’s face so that mom’s breastmilk can adjust to baby’s new needs. Ah-mazing.
5. Your mombod has the power of intuition.
Do you believe in mother’s instinct? It is an incredible mom’s connection with her child that enables her to sense her baby’s needs, emotions and well-being. Sometimes, a mom just knows and there’s no explanation how or why. We just do.
These are just five reasons but I'm sure you can come up with more. The more we honor and appreciate our mombods, the better we see how amazing it is. The next time you judge your mombod for how it looks (especially this summer), I hope you remember these five reasons why your mombod rocks and thank your body for a job well done! Your mombod deserves it.
Need a reminder? Check out our mombod and proud products in Studio Maria!
Your body changes from “sexual being” to “mukhang nanay”. I know this is very shallow and vain but I had this longstanding belief that my body should be desirable. I want to be fit and healthy to be able to work and play – but a big part of it was also to look good. The breasts, a flat stomach, clear skin, a nice butt, healthy hair ~ all of them to be a “desirable” woman.
But becoming pregnant and a mother, it felt like all things “desirable” go out the window! Your breasts change for breastfeeding (goodbye cute pink nipples), your belly expands to make room for the baby (goodbye flat stomach, hello stretchmarks), bad skin (hello sleepless nights)… you get the picture. You suddenly feel every bit undesirable (based on old standards) and this shakes your identity as a woman. “Mukha na ba akong nanay?” was a common question I asked my husband when we were going out – as if looking like a mother was nakakahiya. We want to “bounce back” immediately so that people won’t call us “losyang”.
It’s not that womanhood can only be experienced through motherhood, but I guess motherhood sent a shock through my whole life and physical body that I was forced right smack to make sense of my own womanhood in this season of my life. There was a push and pull of old beliefs and mindsets versus new realities that I needed to contend with.
I’d say it’s been a process of learning and unlearning to become the “Nanay and proud!” person that I am today – after 4 years of being a mother. And here’s what I’ve discovered in this phase of womanhood:
This Women’s Month, let’s be proud of being women and mothers! Let’s celebrate not only the strong, independent woman but also the soft, fluid, vulnerable, passionate beings that we are in this season of motherhood. We are imperfect but ever-changing, evolving and transforming ~ and that is our power.
]]>
But how do we start the motherhood revolution? Here are three ways to start delighting in your being and thrive as a mother. This love month, may you start giving yourself the radical self-love that no one and nothing can take away from you.
]]>Looking back at that moment now four years later makes me laugh a little. I was leaving my daughter with my mom who I fully trusted to love and care for my baby as her own. Bakit ko ba pinahirapan sarili ko with all that guilt and fear?
There were more instances like this. I felt mighty guilty for...
The list goes on, but you get the picture. We punish ourselves with our own unrealistic expectations of what a “good mother” should be to the point of being tired, burnt out, ragged, but still guilty moms.
Suzi Lula in her book The Motherhood Evolution shares: “Many of us martyr ourselves without even really being aware we are doing so." We have this belief passed on through generations that moms must sacrifice "for the sake of the children". Becoming a mother easily disconnects us from ourselves when we allow the all the chores and other self-inflicted expectations (the "doing") to trump the vital importance of approaching motherhood from a sense of "being".
But what is this "being"? Delighting in our being is when we are accepting ourselves, caring for ourselves and knowing we are more than enough and inherently worthy of love, respect and compassion as moms and individuals. Suzi shares: "Treasuring ourselves as mothers is something entirely different from the kinds of things society values, such as celebrity and overachievement. Treasuring ourselves comes simply from within, from delighting in our being.”
Approaching motherhood from a place of treasuring ourselves as mothers, Suzi asks: “what if we began to view the whole of motherhood through the filter of abundance rather than lack? What if we looked at motherhood through a filter of both-and rather than either-or? It’s not their needs or mine, but our needs together. Because we are all worthy of having fulfilled needs, mothers included. Wouldn't it be so much better to be giving our love and care from our own fullness, rather than from scarcity and raggedness?
Inspired by Suzi, my dream too is for a motherhood revolution ~ where moms delight in their being and are overflowing with inspired energy enjoying a fulfilling life where they freely share themselves with their children and their gifts with the world.
If you are a mom still operating from a place of lack and martyrdom – this dream may seem to be a challenging one, but it’s not impossible. I have met many “imperfect” moms who are keeping it real and embracing their being while being fulfilled in their roles as mothers and as individuals in society.
But how do we start the motherhood revolution? This shouldn’t be another thing to add to your already long to-do list. This inner care is the foundation you need to be a thriving mother. Here are three ways to start delighting in your being and thrive as a mother:
1. Make your physical needs a non-negotiable. In the busyness of motherhood, the first thing that flies out the window are the mom’s needs. Everyone is fed, bathed and well-rested while the mom is hungry, showerless and with no sleep. This week, practice meeting your needs by including it in your schedule or routine. Make time for eating healthy, physical movement, showers and sleep by eliminating actions that don’t serve your needs (like scrolling through your phone immediately when you wake up or binge-watching all night).
It will not be easy at first, but challenge yourself to let go of the mindset that it's them or me.
2. Let go of unrealistic expectations. Some of you might say that there is no time to meet your own needs AND everyone else’s needs at the same time even if you eliminate unhelpful habits. There is just not enough time in a day. This can also be true. But from my experience, our very long list of to-dos in a day also includes our exceedingly high expectations of how a mother should be. We want to be perfect mothers with clean homes, neat kids, home-cooked meals, DIY activities, screen-free childhoods and the list goes on. It’s nice to have all of these things, but not at the expense of a mom’s well-being. Ask yourself, what expectation can I let go of so I can take better care of myself?
You may find that as soon as you let go of your unnecessary expectations, you learn to loosen up a little and your children will notice a change in your energy – from being uptight and tense, to one of lightness and joy.
3. Reconnect with your inner being. A lot of moms feel that they lose their sense of self after becoming a mother. Instead of delighting in our new role as mothers, we get drowned with “doing” all that we need to do as new moms. We suddenly don’t have any time for ourselves, what makes us happy and eventually we forget who we are.
To reconnect with your being, you have to disconnect from the pulls of this world – social media, Netflix, emails, DMs, and your to-do list. Start with a little quiet time to enjoy the little things that make you happy. It can be a quiet cup of coffee, reading a book, a relaxing shower, meditation, movement or a hobby. Make time even if this means having to leave your kids with your spouse, a relative or house help for a few minutes. If you don’t have any help, you can wake up earlier than everyone else so you can start the day reconnecting with yourself. If you are a Christian like me, I also think of this time as reconnecting with my Creator.
You may find that as soon as you reconnect with yourself without the distractions, you will rediscover how wonderful you are, and the many things that give you kilig a.k.a your passions. That is the start of rekindling the flame in your heart that may have been overshadowed by the demands of motherhood.
My prayer is for all moms to be able to love their families and serve their communities from a place of abundance and joy – and it all starts with delighting in our inner being. This love month, may you start giving yourself the radical self-love that no one and nothing can take away from you.
Love,
Chesca
]]>There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself. That’s what we advocate for after all in Studio Maria – for moms to celebrate motherhood and be empowered to be the best version of themselves! But when does the “new year, new you” mindset become harmful for us moms and how can we avoid it?
]]>And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself. That’s what we advocate for after all in Studio Maria – for moms to celebrate motherhood and be empowered to be the best version of themselves! But when does the “new year, new you” mindset become harmful for us moms and how can we avoid it? Here are three examples:
1. When it makes us forget to be grateful for how far we have come.
Setting new year’s resolutions and goals are nice but sometimes it can make us feel like happiness can only be found in the destination instead of the journey. We forget how far we have come and how strong we have been in our motherhood, family life and in our careers or vocations.
Last year, I was not able to reach my business goals and I felt disappointed about that. It made me doubt myself, my abilities and God’s plan for my life. I started making new year’s resolutions and goals from this place of frustration and I promised myself I will do better next year.
But last year too, we were able to start homeschooling. My biggest dream when I became a mom was to be able to stay at home, have my own small business and homeschool my daughter. It seemed far-fetched before when I was still employed full-time, but I am living this dream NOW.
This realization totally changed my mindset about my new year’s resolutions and goals. I am happy and grateful NOW for all that I’ve gained (and lost) and this “new year, new me” resolutions and goals are just an added bonus to my already happy life. I am not pressured to DO, I am energized to BE who I aim to be!
So, before setting your new year’s resolutions and goals, I hope you’ve listed down all the things you are grateful for. Honor yourself. Honor your strengths. Honor God and His plan for your life. Sometimes where we are today is something we’ve only prayed for once.
2. When it comes from a place of shame instead of self-love.
Do you have weight goals too? Ever since I’ve started having goals, there is always that weight goal saying hi every year.
Like most girls and moms, I’ve always felt fat. And I equated fat with all these negative things like having no discipline, being ugly and undesirable (which is NOT true but unfortunately many like me believe this). The yearly weight goal motivation of mine always came from this place of shame and negativity. Up to now (even at almost 8 months pregnant), I still have shame over my weight (kahit hello buntis na nga ako?)
And guess what? It never worked. I’ve never met a weight goal I’ve set in my life because it has always been motivated by shame and disdain for myself. Who will be motivated to eat healthy and work out when you hate your body and your self? It may work for some but is it sustainable?
This year, I’ve revised my goal from simply “lose weight” to “be fit and healthy so that I can go on outdoor hikes with my family” (which meant carrying a baby or a toddler while walking). I visualize that so I can stick with my resolutions with joy, instead of clinging on to shame.
From what place is your new year’s resolution and goals coming from? It is from a place of shame or self-love? If you find yourself in that place of shame, Mama, rethink your goals and try to discover the negative beliefs you have towards yourself. You deserve goals that light up your soul.
3. When it comes from a place of envy, rather than self-awareness.
Social media gives us a window to the personal lives of mom celebrities, momfluencers and even our mom friends. This sometimes leads us to constantly comparing our motherhood journeys with others. Instead of being inspired by other people we see on our screens, we feel envious and discontent with our own lives.
And sometimes, our goals can be influenced by the constant comparing. As a mompreneur, to me this looks like chasing the next trend (hello, Tiktok) and being envious of moms and entrepreneurs having a huge success on these trends. So, it has been a goal for me last year to also hit it off on Tiktok (which honestly did not happen!). It was something the business needed but it was also something I didn’t want to do. Something did not feel… “aligned”. I needed to step back and analyze how I can let go and delegate this task so I can achieve my business goals. I decided to remove it from my personal goals this year, until it felt right. I realized didn’t want to be a Tiktok influencer. I just wanted Studio Maria to reach more moms, and it didn’t have to be me in the limelight.
The downside of setting goals from a place of envy instead of really knowing our own heart’s desires is that when we achieve it – it brings us little to no meaning. You may realize that you have similar goals coming from a place of envy – like an aesthetic home (when you have rambunctious toddlers), more followers on social media (even if it meant being pressured to post every day and being on your phone all day) or having the latest luxury bag (when you have other more important priorities).
Do you have goals that come from envy? It’s best to set goals coming from a place of self-awareness so that they fulfill your heart’s desires and align with your values. It’s best to ask – Am I just being pressured by what other people have or are doing? Or is this what I really want for me and family?
May the “new year, new Mama” resolutions and goals you have this year lead you to more love, light and fulfillment. Motherhood and family life may not be easy, but you can always grow into the person your season needs you to be. I believe in you. I hope you believe in you, too. You deserve the best life, Mama. Believe it. #YouareLovedMama
]]>]]>
1. Set a predictable daily rhythm.
Toddlers love predictability. If you read any parenting book, a daily rhythm is recommended from babies up to toddlerhood (up to adulthood if you ask me!). Toddlers who are learning how to be independent want to have control over their day to day life. Knowing what will happen next in their day helps them keep calm and cool.
If there are other caregivers in the family, ask them to keep the same rhythm even when you are not around. Our typical morning rhythm is wake up, have breakfast, free play and a bath. After lunch is usually naptime and then we go out to play (whenever allowed). Otherwise, we play indoors. I try to do all my work within the time that she is asleep, give her some attention when she wakes up and then return to work.
2. Understand where your child is coming from.
Of course, not all toddlers are the same and there are good days and bad days. The best thing I've learned from reading books about Montessori and other gentle parenting methods is this - observe the child and let the child lead. Observe your child and you'll soon discover what causes them to resist. Mine would resist baths because she wants to continue playing with her toys. So we transition to baths by bringing some toys that she can "bathe".
We also find eating together difficult when she's distracted by the television (the adults are watching news) and there are too many people talking on the table (we're a big extended family in the home). Toddlers find it difficult to concentrate when there are too many things happening around them. Try to limit the distractions when you want your child to eat, dress up or read a book with you. Look at the spaces where your child usually stays. Is it too distracting with so many colors and toys? Or does it invite calm and focus?
3. Distract and redirect.
Being easily distracted is both a blessing and a curse. Instead of pushing something your toddler definitely does not want to do, you can temporarily distract them to calm them down. They are too young to know why they are resisting and it will just become a battle for control. You can push your child to do what you want but it will be in massive tears and body thrashes. Instead, you can try to distract them with something they are interested in, like a pet fish or dog that they like. Once they are calm, gently transition again to the activity you needed them to do.
Songs are great distractions too. My daughter will sit longer to eat if we sing some songs she can relate to or is related to eating. She also does not like it when I shampoo her hair so we sing songs in the bath. She also loves participating so we also distract her by giving her cleaning tools like a brush to clean the walls of the bathroom. We also invite her to wear her own shoes and pull her diapers up. She feels proud when she does it on her own. As they grow up, try to find more ways you can get them to participate in everyday practical life.
4. Give visual cues.
Kids and adults are visual creatures. Visual reminders help us remember what we need to do so we don't have to constantly think of what to do next. You and your child's daily rhythm can be transformed into Toddler Routine Cards that you can use to communicate with each other.
I made a free morning and evening routine cards that you can download here. I like drawing and illustrating so this was a joy to do! You can laminate, place in cardstock or stick to magnetic sheets.
How to use the Toddler Routine Cards:
1. Find a quiet time to show your toddler the cards. If she is still around 2 years old or less, you can show the cards a few pieces at a time so you don't overwhelm the child. Maybe start with the familiar ones she already knows.
2. Ask your child what she prefers to do first. For example, a choice between having breakfast or a bath after she wakes up in the morning. It's up to you what options are acceptable for you to present to her. What matters is that you give her some form of choice over what will happen to her day.
3. Stick the cards somewhere she can see in chronological order. After she does the activity, you can place it in a "done" pile and congratulate her for a job well done. Make it fun! If your child is not able to do everything, don't give her a hard time for it. Praise her still for what she did do and then ask her if she can do the others tomorrow.
Hope all goes well with you and your child! Good job, Mama! Let us know if this helped you and if you have other tips in mind. :)
]]>And because I love the book so much, I tried illustrating some of the key ideas in the first portion - DEALING WITH FEELINGS. I believe that a lot of the hurt and pain being inflicted by people online and offline comes from their own hurts and pains from childhood and beyond. How we treat each other at any age MATTERS to the peaceful world that we all seek to build. Dealing with feelings and relationships is an art, not a science - but one that we need to give priority to if we want a better world.
So here goes!
1. Instead of multitasking, give your full attention.
Sounds so simple and yet so difficult to do when we have been accustomed to glorify ‘multitasking’. But honestly as an adult, have you experienced having intense emotions of joy or sadness and the one you are talking to is on her/his phone? It makes me feel unimportant and I would withdraw instead of insist on making a connection.
As a child, how would you feel if the one person you trust (a parent) doesn’t seem to listen to you when you’re having a bad day? And then we worry if our child will talk to us if something bad happens to them.
I’m guilty of being glued to my phone too and not listening to my spouse, parent or child when they needed me to listen. I am imperfect but it is important to know and apologize if we do make them feel unimportant and unseen because of multitasking. This does not mean that we have to stop everything we have to do as adults (especially with WFH). It just means we become more mindful of when a (little or big) person is talking to us and we set clear expectations / boundaries on our availability to connect deeply. It’s sometimes tricky but we can always try and find ways that will work for our families.
TASK 1: Try to put your phones down when someone tries to communicate with us. Make your loved ones feel seen and loved, just by listening and being present. ☘️
2. Instead of questions and advice, acknowledge with a few words.
Have you experienced expressing sadness or frustration to someone only to feel more frustrated after? You did not like what they said, their advice is not okay for you or you feel they are blaming you for the frustration you feel.
This to me is the hardest! Whenever a friend approaches me to share a sadness, I feel like I need to ask questions and give advice to make them feel better. Worse, I’d share my own experiences (which they don’t really need or asked for at the moment). I did not know that sometimes the best gift is a listening ear and sympathetic silence.
For children, it may be difficult to think through their problems clearly if an adult is constantly talking. Worse, they may feel that adults are blaming them or complaining about how they feel. Simple acknowledgment and a caring attitude can give space for a child to explore their own feelings and thoughts.
TASK 2: Try to hold your tongue and truly listen. Give space for your loved ones to explore their own without judgment or advice from us.
3. Instead of denying the feeling, give the feeling a name.
No matter how well-meaning we may be, denying a feeling or making a feeling seem invalid will not make anyone feel better. I relate this somehow to ‘toxic positivity’. When a person feels tired or sad and shares it online, people on social media would sometimes immediately tell them to be grateful for whatever blessings they have that other people don’t —— which is well-meaning BUT sometimes would make you feel worse, ungrateful. “What is wrong with me?” self talk then happens.
I do the same. I struggle with people feeling sad. I like it when people are happy and I don’t know how to deal with sadness. I want you to be happy what can I do??? My husband often reminds me - “empathy first” before anything else. Give space for the feeling to be felt and understood. Sometimes that is all that we need.
TASK 3: What we can try together - next time a child or a person cries or is sad or angry, try not to tell them “don’t cry” or “don’t be angry”. Instead try to articulate the feeling and help the other feel understood. Hopefully one day they can do the same for another person in need too. 🌿
4. Instead of logical explanations, give wishes in fantasy.
Especially for sensitive people, outright rejection can be really hurtful even for the simple things. As an adult, how many times have you felt bad for other people shutting down your suggestions *immediately*. No, that can’t work because blah blah... You know they don’t mean to hurt you personally but you feel ... well, hurt, maybe stupid or even unworthy to give anymore other ideas. You wish someone would just listen to you and hear you out.
Children may not know that their ideas, demands or requests are unreasonable or illogical. It is not a parent’s job to give them everything they ask for. It’s our job to make them feel loved and seen. For our sanity, we can inject some humor into our parenting by agreeing with our child in fantasy. “I see you want to eat ice cream now. I’d love to give you ice cream if we had some. I wish we had all the ice cream flavors in the world!” Exaggerate depending on age? 😆
TASK 4: Instead of saying no and explaining the logical why, try to acknowledge and give wishes in fantasy. Sometimes that is all it takes to feel listened to and understood. ✨
Finally a last quote from the book modified a little bit by me:
I really hope you can read the book! It has so many golden nuggets of wisdom to improve your relationships. You can check out the book here: https://amzn.to/34O32QQ
If you want a high resolution copy of the illustrations above, you can download and save on your phone (or print as a poster for your refrigerator or door) here. Thanks and cheers to a more peaceful you, and the world! 💖