We’re almost halfway into January and if you’re like me, you might be feeling the pressure to be “new year, new you” - wanting to be the new and improved version of yourself so you can be the best mom you can be this 2023.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself. That’s what we advocate for after all in Studio Maria – for moms to celebrate motherhood and be empowered to be the best version of themselves! But when does the “new year, new you” mindset become harmful for us moms and how can we avoid it? Here are three examples:
1. When it makes us forget to be grateful for how far we have come.
Setting new year’s resolutions and goals are nice but sometimes it can make us feel like happiness can only be found in the destination instead of the journey. We forget how far we have come and how strong we have been in our motherhood, family life and in our careers or vocations.
Last year, I was not able to reach my business goals and I felt disappointed about that. It made me doubt myself, my abilities and God’s plan for my life. I started making new year’s resolutions and goals from this place of frustration and I promised myself I will do better next year.
But last year too, we were able to start homeschooling. My biggest dream when I became a mom was to be able to stay at home, have my own small business and homeschool my daughter. It seemed far-fetched before when I was still employed full-time, but I am living this dream NOW.
This realization totally changed my mindset about my new year’s resolutions and goals. I am happy and grateful NOW for all that I’ve gained (and lost) and this “new year, new me” resolutions and goals are just an added bonus to my already happy life. I am not pressured to DO, I am energized to BE who I aim to be!
So, before setting your new year’s resolutions and goals, I hope you’ve listed down all the things you are grateful for. Honor yourself. Honor your strengths. Honor God and His plan for your life. Sometimes where we are today is something we’ve only prayed for once.
2. When it comes from a place of shame instead of self-love.
Do you have weight goals too? Ever since I’ve started having goals, there is always that weight goal saying hi every year.
Like most girls and moms, I’ve always felt fat. And I equated fat with all these negative things like having no discipline, being ugly and undesirable (which is NOT true but unfortunately many like me believe this). The yearly weight goal motivation of mine always came from this place of shame and negativity. Up to now (even at almost 8 months pregnant), I still have shame over my weight (kahit hello buntis na nga ako?)
And guess what? It never worked. I’ve never met a weight goal I’ve set in my life because it has always been motivated by shame and disdain for myself. Who will be motivated to eat healthy and work out when you hate your body and your self? It may work for some but is it sustainable?
This year, I’ve revised my goal from simply “lose weight” to “be fit and healthy so that I can go on outdoor hikes with my family” (which meant carrying a baby or a toddler while walking). I visualize that so I can stick with my resolutions with joy, instead of clinging on to shame.
From what place is your new year’s resolution and goals coming from? It is from a place of shame or self-love? If you find yourself in that place of shame, Mama, rethink your goals and try to discover the negative beliefs you have towards yourself. You deserve goals that light up your soul.
3. When it comes from a place of envy, rather than self-awareness.
Social media gives us a window to the personal lives of mom celebrities, momfluencers and even our mom friends. This sometimes leads us to constantly comparing our motherhood journeys with others. Instead of being inspired by other people we see on our screens, we feel envious and discontent with our own lives.
And sometimes, our goals can be influenced by the constant comparing. As a mompreneur, to me this looks like chasing the next trend (hello, Tiktok) and being envious of moms and entrepreneurs having a huge success on these trends. So, it has been a goal for me last year to also hit it off on Tiktok (which honestly did not happen!). It was something the business needed but it was also something I didn’t want to do. Something did not feel… “aligned”. I needed to step back and analyze how I can let go and delegate this task so I can achieve my business goals. I decided to remove it from my personal goals this year, until it felt right. I realized didn’t want to be a Tiktok influencer. I just wanted Studio Maria to reach more moms, and it didn’t have to be me in the limelight.
The downside of setting goals from a place of envy instead of really knowing our own heart’s desires is that when we achieve it – it brings us little to no meaning. You may realize that you have similar goals coming from a place of envy – like an aesthetic home (when you have rambunctious toddlers), more followers on social media (even if it meant being pressured to post every day and being on your phone all day) or having the latest luxury bag (when you have other more important priorities).
Do you have goals that come from envy? It’s best to set goals coming from a place of self-awareness so that they fulfill your heart’s desires and align with your values. It’s best to ask – Am I just being pressured by what other people have or are doing? Or is this what I really want for me and family?
May the “new year, new Mama” resolutions and goals you have this year lead you to more love, light and fulfillment. Motherhood and family life may not be easy, but you can always grow into the person your season needs you to be. I believe in you. I hope you believe in you, too. You deserve the best life, Mama. Believe it. #YouareLovedMama